oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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