She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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