Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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