i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
