She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
