In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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