That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
