I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
