Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
