i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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