I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
