Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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