They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Panties = found
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