I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
