Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
