so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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