who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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