Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I need moral support for this bender
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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