you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
