Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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