Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
