they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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