Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
