That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
