I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
