i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
3pm strippers are depressing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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