Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
