I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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