He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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