I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
