is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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