Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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