I must be too annoying 4 u.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
