sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
