the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
