There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
