I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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