He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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