Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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