He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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