He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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