I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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