a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
