You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
