ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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