first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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