I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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