the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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