Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
