Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
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