Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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