Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
